I never make New Year resolutions. It sounds pompous. It makes no sense. Because I know it shall be short lived.

My most memorable personal accomplishment came not from a New Year Resolution. But from a mundane 4th April half hearted attempt.

On 4th April, 2004 I had burnt close to two and half packets of Classic Cigarettes. From April 5, 2004 to till date I have lighted none.

I had not resolved. I just attempted. And with a little cheer from Mousumi and a big wish to live a healthy life to see my son grow up, I succeeded.

But something happened a few days back. An incident at a party. That disturbed me. And made me think.

And after much thought. On this issue. I have decided to make a resolution.

For 2020.

The incident is this. I was at a party. Delhi. Friends. Colleagues. Reunion. Post party. I sat with a friend for coffee. And as we talked, I found a trace of sadness in her voice. She usually jubilant and cheerful. Was somewhat distracted. I asked.

With a hint of sadness she said ‘You know Dr Ghosh, something happened today. You know S. When she entered the party, I welcomed her wide arms. I wanted to embrace her as friends do. But she refused my embrace. And asked me to stay away. From then I have been thinking, what have I done for her to decline my embrace? My friendship? Does she hold a grudge so strong as to refuse an embrace?’

Small talk. Two cups of Americano. We went each our way.

But this incident has bothered me ever since. I have thought what does it take for one to refuse another’s embrace?

How much does it hurt someone?

And then the inevitable question. ‘Is there any one whose embrace I shall refuse in case we meet in the hallway?’ Friend. Colleague. Relative. Neighbor?

And because one is always true to oneself I know the answer.

I have no enemies. I have none that I hate.

But yes.

There is only one person in this earth who I would avoid meeting. I would walk away from him. Lest he calls for an embrace. Which for politeness sake I would not decline but I would definitely not want that embrace. I would not enjoy being in his arms.

Do I hate him? No.
Do I despise him? No.
It is just that I do not want to be in his presence.
I do not want to be in his embrace.

Yet I do not know why. He is not a bad soul. He is a good man. He has done me no harm. No wrong.

Yet. Such are intricacies of human relations that one can never express the cause of one’s feelings.

But after that meeting with my friend over coffee, I have questioned myself. This unnatural behaviour in me I must overcome. It is a bad trait I have towards one person on this earth.

In this beautiful life that I have been gifted with there should be none that I would shy away from. None whose embrace I should avoid.

Thus my resolution for 2020 is to reach out to him. That one man who I have avoided being with for decades. Shunned his company.

And when we meet, if he hesitates from his past experience with me, I shall approach him with arms wide open.

Let 2020 for me be a year of embrace. Overcoming that one embarrassment that I have for myself.

And may 2020 bring joy, warm embrace, laughter to all of you my friends.

Stay blessed. 2020.

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